Leading a Double Life

As a belly dancer in the South, I can always relate to Spaceman Spiff when he crash lands on an alien planet.  He's constantly on guard and ready to defend himself.  He doesn't know what to expect, but surely there will be trouble.  

When meeting new people, I have come to hate the question, "So, what do you do?"  I used to say, "I teach and perform belly dancing," even though it opens up the same conversation that we all have at some point.  "No, we are not strippers."    I have learned that it's better to not mention that I'm a belly dancer.  This is hard for me because I am proud of being a belly dancer.  I have invested a lot of time, energy, and money in my training and my costuming and my craft.  Nothing about being a belly dancer shames me, even if that's not how the world sees it.  

If we are going to diminish the prejudice against belly dancers, then we need to give people opportunities to learn that we are not a bunch of evil wenches or that only women are belly dancers for that matter.  A lot of times when I outright told people that I teach belly dance, I can see them shutting down and going on autopilot.  I don't even get the "You're a stripper?" question.  Instead, they'll say, "Oh... that's cool..." Then they'll politely wait for me to stop talking before making their escape.  

Bottom line: this person who I just met was not going to give me a chance.  

I used to think, "What's the point?  If that's how they're going to be.  Then frack'em."  Yet, experience has taught me that provoking people's prejudices does not promote progress.  It's bad for networking because it unjustly encourages a negative reputation.  Also, I'm missing opportunities to inform others that what I do is an art form, one that benefits everyone physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially.

So now, I have found that it's better to build a relationship first and prove that I am a human being with morals.   After that, I drop the belly dancer bomb on them.  At least then, there's still a connection.   The person asks me questions because they want to understand why I am a belly dancer.  They would have never expected me to be one in the first place.  Maybe mainstream culture is wrong about belly dancing...